Pursuing Purpose: A Long, Strange, Joyful Journey to Discovering My Calling

Sometime early on in college, I discovered an intriguing infographic. It showed three intersecting circles: one labeled “what you are good at,” another tagged “what you are passionate about,” and the third marked “what the world needs.” In the middle, at the place where all three circles overlapped, was the word “purpose.” 

At that time, I knew what I was good at – primarily reading and writing – and I had lots of ideas about what the world needed (gender equity, racial justice reform, improved environmental regulations… the list was and is long), but I wasn’t sure which of all those many issues I was passionate about, and that terrified me. 

Desperate to find my niche, I threw myself into an eclectic assortment of degrees and work experiences: a double major in history and international relations, a summer working in investigative journalism in Beijing, another month studying microloans in South Africa. I enjoyed these pursuits and learned a lot from them – I’m a naturally enthusiastic person, so what I lacked in self-assured passion I made up for with exuberant zeal – but when senior year arrived, I remained extremely anxious about the fact that I didn’t feel called in any particular direction. 

As I was preparing to haphazardly apply to various graduate programs, a wise teacher encouraged me to get a job instead. “Why not something in business?” she suggested, knowing that I had exactly zero experience in the business world. “You’ll learn who you are, and what you want, much more quickly if you get out of your comfort zone.” Two months later, I signed an offer for a job in biotechnology investing, and shortly after graduation I moved across the country to learn what, exactly, that career entailed. 

From “personality hire” to purpose

In the years since, I’ve been (lovingly) called a “personality hire” by former coworkers who became friends, and I understand that characterization. 

In an analyst class of engineers and biochemists, I was the only person who had never opened Excel. I didn’t know how to code, I was discombobulated by New York City, and I once emailed a draft of a non-disclosure agreement to a manager with the subject line “NBA attached,” failing to realize that we were (obviously) discussing an “NDA.” After a few months, I got the hang of things, and after a year, I even got a raise. Nonetheless, though I liked my job and admired my boss (who remains a wonderful mentor), I was more enthused about my paycheck than about going to work every day.

My professor was right, though – it only took a few months at that company for facets of my life that had up until then remained opaque to me to be thrown into sharp relief. 

Much to my chagrin, I realized that making a comfortable amount of money was not enough to make me feel fulfilled. (I think that aspersions are sometimes cast at those who choose to accumulate a lot of wealth; I don’t understand this. If making a bunch of money makes you happy, I think you should do that. What people should do after accumulating wealth, of course, is another matter.) 

I also found that working with patients, which I had begun to do at my job via collaborations with patient advocacy groups, was invigorating. I felt a new type of eagerness at the prospect of listening to patient stories and accompanying them, in some small way, through the ups and downs of their diagnoses. In an effort to chase that feeling, I started shadowing before work at a hospital uptown. Eventually, I found the courage to apply to post-baccalaureate premedical programs, carefully writing my application from the safety of my locked bedroom, afraid to tell anyone in my life about my burgeoning dream lest it not come true. Sadly, I was rejected. 

Disappointed but not deterred, I applied again the following year, and, with more work experience and an improved application, I was accepted. After a few panic attacks and many moments of self-doubt (along with many pep talks from friends with endless patience), I quit my job and moved to Maryland to complete the program, and one year after that, I matriculated here, at the University of Michigan Medical School.

Medical school and finding my calling

At UMMS, everything suddenly felt “right.” 

I had always worked very hard to understand concepts that seemed to come easily to others, but our Doctoring course and the preclinical coursework made sense to me. Of course, I still worked very hard – sometimes to the exasperation of my friends, who reminded me to take advantage of the pass/fail aspect of our first year – but mostly out of habit. 

And speaking of friends! I loved getting to know my extraordinary, interesting and interested classmates, and joined Student Council to advocate for my peers. I quickly found a group with whom I would spend birthdays, holidays and spring breaks, comforting and celebrating each other in turn. 

I even found a mentor in Dr. Christina Angeles during the annual Surgery Olympics competition. She introduced me to the world of basic science, and suddenly I was learning about sarcomas and RNA sequencing. 

I didn’t think my circumstances could possibly improve, until clerkship year arrived and I was able to completely immerse myself in the world of patient care. For the first time, I finally felt a “calling,” that fervent yet calm pull toward a destination that had as yet eluded me. 

Accompanying patients through some of their most vulnerable moments, and bearing witness to their triumphs and tribulations alike, remains the greatest privilege of my life. That sense only intensified during my first few days on the surgery clerkship. Observing the teamwork within the operating room and the rigorous competence that defined surgical services, I knew, without a doubt, that I wanted to become a surgeon. The understanding was quiet, certain and joyful.

Working through challenges

I want to be clear – like any other human being, I have also experienced challenges in the past five years. 

There have been many times that I embarrassed myself, or wished I handled a situation differently, or didn’t know the answer to a question, or said the wrong thing, or unintentionally caused hurt, or didn’t get a test score that I hoped for, or extended less grace to others than I should have. I still wince at these memories, and I hope I have grown from at least some of them. 

My research year, for example, was difficult. Though I had started conducting basic science research with Dr. Angeles, I was not immediately prepared for the rigors of daily lab research when I started at NYU. Someone had to show me how to pipette correctly, and I was bitten by more mice than I care to admit. Though my PI was wonderful, and most of my coworkers were supportive and kind, some were less so. Every day was humbling, and I missed my cozy life in Ann Arbor desperately, once sobbing (to someone who I had no business crying to) that I felt “so adrift” there. Eventually, I learned enough to plan my own experiments and analyze my own data, which, in collaboration with my PI, led to a body of ongoing work that I find very exciting and of which I’m very proud.

The point of this clarification, however, is to say that even though my medical school experience has not been rosy one hundred percent of the time, I have always felt fulfilled by virtue of the opportunities afforded to me at UMMS and the support I have received here. 

Throughout that difficult research year, my friends remained one phone call (or, often, plane flight) away. Dr. Angeles sent frequent encouragement via text and email and once sat with me for an hour after a Department of Surgery dinner event, listening to my concerns and frustrations about my research and offering sage advice in return. 

The Match and what comes next

This support didn’t waver throughout residency application season, which recently concluded after nine long months. 

So many residents and faculty members volunteered their time and expertise to edit my personal statement, review my application and advise me on the list of programs to which I planned to apply. Dr. Courtney Rentas, Dr. Steven Xie, Dr. Gifty Kwakye, Dr. Staci Aubry and Dr. Angeles went above and beyond to help me prepare for my interviews and advocated for me with programs. During my SICU rotation, which I completed during the final weeks before match, even some of my patients, along with the nurses, PAs, dieticians, respiratory therapists, residents and fellows, encouraged me and kept my spirits up when pre-match nerves set in. 

In short, though there have been rough patches and tears shed, there has never been a moment when I felt completely isolated during my time at UMMS, and that, along with the discovery of my raison d'être, is an incredible gift.

On Match Day, I opened my envelope to find that I matched at Harvard Brigham & Women’s Hospital in Boston, Massachusetts. Dr. Angeles rescheduled a meeting just so that she could be present to wrap me in a gigantic hug before we jumped around with unbridled excitement. Dr. Kwakye, who trained at the Brigham herself, enthusiastically told me that she thought it was a great fit, and Courtney and Steven beamed with pride that rivaled that of my own parents. The Brigham was my first choice, and I was and am thrilled and honored that they chose me too. Even so, a part of me will always be sad to be leaving the University of Michigan. I have found a home here, and I am nervous to vacate this snug space that I have cultivated in order to move towards the unknown. I am certain of one thing, however: Michigan Medicine has made me who I am today, and I will spend the next seven years working to make my coworkers, friends, patients and mentors here proud. You have illuminated my life with purpose at the intersection of what I am good at, what I am passionate about, and what the world needs. Thank you all so very much. Go Blue.

Jessie Mei Dalman is a fourth-year medical student who matched at the Brigham & Women’s Hospital in General Surgery. She loves cycling, reading science fiction and what her mother calls “boring history books,” and playing with her kitten, Circe. Her favorite activity is settling into her porch on a glorious Ann Arbor summer day, spoon in hand, scooping her way through half a watermelon. She is a 2024-2025 Sarnoff Cardiovascular Research Fellow.